Are your current eating habits and nutritional patterns pushing you closer or further from your goals? Write about what direction your current eating habits are steering you in and how that makes you feel.
Sometimes I’m jolted back into the reality of how I used to eat just a few years ago. Meals carefully spaced. Measured. Savored. Probably about half of what I eat on a typical day now.
Like many woman, I always wanted to be thinner, leaner, smaller. In those periods of time, I find the compliments you get from other people to be the worst. “You look great! Have you lost weight?” It’s this constant peppering of diet-culture reinforcement that makes it so difficult to escape the mindset.
Powerlifting changed my relationship with food. Crossfit has changed my relationship with my body. The more seriously I take my training, the less I care about how I look. Well, except whether my clothes fit or if I’m going to have to buy something new. I hate buying new clothes.
So many times I’ll go to pull on a jacket or shirt I’ve had for ages and it doesn’t fit around my arms any more. Finally, my first reaction is to feel proud. I’m bigger. I’m stronger. There’s a podcaster I like, Steph Gaudreau, who’s show is called Harder to Kill. “Harder to kill.” It’s like that.
Or my other favorite, from Meg Squats: “Be more, not less.”
I don’t want to be smaller. I want to be stronger. I want to perform better. I don’t care if that means I have 15% body fat or 35%. Whichever one makes me feel better.
When it comes to food, I’m eating more because I know that if I want to perform better, I need to fuel myself. Not being afraid to eat more than 2000 calories a day was a milestone for me in my adult life. For women, we’re so often perpetually underfeeding ourselves and undernourishing ourselves in so many ways. Not being afraid to eat more – and, yes, to gain weight – is a relief. (Though I do recognize I still fit firmly within typical beauty standards and I have that privilege.)
When I eat these days, I know that I’m fueling myself to reach my goals. I’m eating enough to focus throughout the day, let alone to do multiple training sessions so that I can “be more, not less.” I’m excited that my main concern with my diet is that I don’t get enough micronutrients because I’m too busy working in fun sweets. (Vitamins can’t work miracles for a 30-something vegetarian who’s had an iron deficient for most of her life.)
I have a lot to improve on, but overall, I’m solidly moving in the direction of my goals.
Black Iron Nutrition is offering a 30 Day Mindful Eating Challenge that includes journal prompts and tasks to help bring more mindfulness to our relationships with food. And I’m in! This post is in response to today’s prompt to keep myself accountable and get the most out of my participation. If you’re interested in joining the free challenge, sign up at Black Iron Nutrition’s website here.